Emotionally-Competent Leadership

Sweet lawd Brene Brown is my spirit animal! I may have plenty of differences with her, but listening to her I heard a kindred spirit. I was surprised to find that I did see vulnerability as defined by Brown (2011) as a willingness to do things from the heart on a leap of faith. That is who I am. I am the friend that says, I love you, and even if you need to blame me for your confusion in life right now…that’s fine. I will still be here. I know that to be vulnerable is not always smart or easy, but it is right…for me. I love that she then goes on to discuss how horribly she reacted to her first Ted Talk. It was clear that she was still on her journey. Though the sheer fact she was discussing her reaction showed her vulnerability and courage.

Brown (2012) spoke of shame vs. guilt and how they come from very different places. Shame is saying that “I am bad” and guilt is acknowledging that “I am a good person who has done something bad”.  Wow, this is one I need to discuss with my kids. I KNOW that I am not a bad person, but I also KNOW that I can do bad things. This is something that we have learned all our lives, “Hate the sin, not the sinner”. It is easy to apply it to others, but hard to do that to ourselves.

While going through the readings this week I noted a theme:

1. Trust your gut

2. Keep your eye on the prize

3. Know your strengths and weaknesses

4. Admit when you are wrong, use it as a guide, then recycle it

5. Wear your heart (personality) on your sleeve.

All of these are great, and for the most part I resonated with them. I know I will never be a perfect leader. I will always strive to be though, even when it means making myself uncomfortable, and sad. This too, shall pass.

Susan…I have a confession. I never actually read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. We were supposed to have during our final semester of our BSN program. I skimmed, and wrote my paper. I thought I was too good then for needing help in that area. Karma has a funny way of showing me how wrong I was. You know the first thing I did when I had a time in my life that I needed to stop and redirect myself? Yep, got that book out and read it. I needed that information, but I don’t think I was at a time in my life to “hear” it. I could have read the words, but I would not have applied them then to my life. Watching the videos from Goleman gave me great insight. It reinforced that the overarching motto and goal for interaction is right. You can’t change your circumstance, only your response to it. In other words. STOP, take a breath, collect yourself then think/speak again. This same information was also given in various form by Simon Sinek (2011) when he says to not send emails late at night or early in the morning. When we distance ourselves, we might not feel as passionately.

The story Goleman (2007) tells about the Stanford daycare children is so vivid. We all want that juicy marshmallow, but the patience to wait in order to get a second one…that takes skill. I use EQ when I interview people, I am that manager who asks the situational questions. I want to know your response, but I also want to see how you respond. Do you just spew out an answer that may not be the smartest one (I am AMAZED at what people tell me in their job interviews) or do you pause, and share the answer that tells the story that paints you in the best light? Don’t get me wrong, I am calling your manager to get a referral, but I do believe that this is a huge insight into people.

You know, I haven’t actually worked for a highly competent EQ leader. I have however had teachers who had that. I LOVE them, I can tell you specific things from their classes because they resonated with me. They touched a part of me that wanted to not just do my personal best, but that teacher’s personal best. I knew where I stood with them, and I knew I could be honest with them. It is a mix of tough love, vulnerability, and compassion that makes them great. I think this speaks to our book in chapter 10 on how Leadership occurs in the space between individuals working together” (p406). I think that that space within is a more powerful pull than we think. 

I am really excited to read and watch all of these presentations, I feel like I could write a book based on the information that I have learned. I can’t wait to see what next week has to offer.

References

T. (2011, January 03). The power of vulnerability. Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

T. (2012, March 16). Listening to shame. Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

A. (2007, November 12). Social intelligence. Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hoo_dIOP8k

C. (2011, April 11). Simon Sinek: Why to Wait Before Making an Emotional Decision. Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIIJIqLmptg

Porter-OGrady, T., & Malloch, K. (2018). Quantum leadership: creating sustainable value in health care. Burlington, MA: Jones & Bartlett Learning.

18 Behaviors of Emotionally Intelligent People. (n.d.). Retrieved February 01, 2018, from http://time.com/3838524/emotional-intelligence-signs/

Cole, S. (2014, December 19). Why Emotional Intelligence Is More Important To Hiring Than You Think. Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.fastcompany.com/3029306/why-you-should-make-emotional-intelligence-the-cornerstone-of-your-hiring-strategy

10 Things Successful People Never Do Again. (2017, November 29). Retrieved February 01, 2018, from https://www.success.com/article/10-things-successful-people-never-do-again